Lurch, Larch, Lech…


When this word come up, the first thing I think of is Addams Family, their butler, named Lurch (or so I assume that’s the spelling, though I’ve never verified it).  Tall, gaunt, with a bass voice bordering on gravelly, he was a great comic character in a pretty funny show.

If I think about lurch as a verb, it comes across as something that I don’t often find myself doing, though I suppose I’ve probably done it while riding on some form of public transit, particularly while standing on a bus as it comes to a sudden start or stop.

The Larch brings up, without fail (in my mind, at least), the repetitious image from Monty Python’s Flying Circus in which there is a picture of a tree, and the voiceover states, “And now, the larch.”  I never understood the significance of this until it was explained to me by a native Englishman, who informed me of the massive planting campaign in England to reforest the nation after the Second World War.  The tree they chose was the larch, and every English person knows of its ubiquity.

The last term is really a shorthand way to refer to a lecherous person (in my experience, it’s typically a man, though I suppose it’s possible for there to be lecherous individuals of all stripes and persuasions), as in “that guy over there is a total lech, don’t shake his hand, you don’t know where it’s been besides inside his pants.”

On another, completely unrelated note, I received, in the post, a letter, supposedly from the Superior Court of California, regarding a fine that I certainly DO NOT OWE since I decided to do community service for my traffic fine and completed my service months ago.  So it must have stemmed from some systemic error and the criminal justice system is at the point of trying to collect money from me, to the tune of $805.  It initially startled and frightened me to receive such a notice, but when I noticed what it was for, I realized that I needed to contact them to correct the matter.  According to the notice, unless I pay or contact them within 20 days of 14 August (a week has gone by already, and I only received this in the post today), they’ll issue a warrant for my arrest and/or suspend my driver’s license.  Under normal circumstances, I really wouldn’t give a shit, because it’s not like I drive very much, anyway.  It’s more just that I’m totally pissed that they fucked up and that they’re going to try to make ME pay for THEIR FUCK-UP!  I know the officers under whom I served my time, so I will tell the court to haul their asses in to have them testify, if necessary, since they’re the ones who would have had to hand in the records of my service.

Yes, I’m pissed.




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